If You Were God

Asking humans this question, if you were a god and your people were waiting for you, how would you make your appearance? The majority of answers would be, definitely not quietly. Some would no doubt have a reality crew set up and ready to capture the theatrics of fireworks and flaming letters fanning across the sky to announce that you have  arrived. There you’d be standing dressed and draped in brilliant regalia within a glistening chariot made from billions of dazzling gems and being pulled by a winged beast with a head of a lion and body of a dragon accompanied by a universe class band. Something like that.

How very opposite of our God. How very beautiful and intimately personal did Jesus come into the world for us! First of all the Creator of the Universe, of everything past, present and future came to the world burning with an incomprehensible love and compassion for us all. He came so that we may know Him and know that He desires a personal relationship with each of us. He came to set us free and to give all an even/steven chance of receiving His gift of eternal life ruling along with Him forever in His kingdom.

He arrived by way every human could relate to and understand, human birth and chose to do so in the most humble way. He became accessible to all who yearn to know and love Him. He came so that  all can know and love Him. The kind of life our King chose here on earth announces that everyone, know mater your circumstance could become a part of His family and that all it takes is a willingness to see truth, see through the insignificance of mans world a fabricated merry go round of doctrine comprised of;   depressing,  limiting,  self serving ,oppressing,              listless, mindless, heartless callous, useless mandated redundant routine type existence………  requiring, obtaining, doing, going, being, becoming, having, needing, planning, occupying, lusting, wanting,           gathering, consuming, using, exploiting and all willing to  kill themselves following one person after the next down the escalator designated  for mere men idolizing itemized lists, ideas, definitions and rules by which they delusion themselves into believing and declaring that this is life, this is what we are born and bred for and  that this wasting of  heart and soul is worth breathing for.

Side note-that ain’t being free.

But when you see through the cyclone of bull, see there under all the debris there to what has always and will always be, the magnificent simplicity and beauty of His Word(! ) illuminating our purpose our existence and the promise that He has given to us! The awesomeness of His power, glory, grace  and promises He makes available at the insurmountable cost of free. All that He requires is our trust, belief,  faith and love as we follow and live for Him.

Who will you serve? The men of this world at the cost that always is and always will be- everything? Can you breath without anxiety? Can you sleep without worry? Is your day meaningful..to anyone? Does your work come with an uncompromising love from  caring, compassionate, considerate boss’ and co-workers who provide friendship and guidance and who are available to you 24 hours a day? Are you a valued, respected detrimental part of the company an aspect whose refined gifts and talents help keeps it together?

What happens 5, 10,20 years after you retire? Will any of those years you gave  to that job mater? Would they even let you back in the door? Will new and future employees’ know about the work you did there?  Would your old boss or company still even exist?
How about in the nursing home, when you’re terminal, and can’t walk or care for yourself will those people or that job come to your side and keep you company?Will they write or call?

How about family? Do you think that being connected by blood means family? Why, because they’re the most positive, influential, loving, understanding, intellectually and emotionally nourishing supportive people and you can’t live without their protection and comfort? Because they are the ones who  put their arms around you and lift you up when you’re down or who hold you during the times you’ve made a mess of things? Is it because they’re the ones who’ve helped and will help guide your life? Have they raised you to be a strong, honest, selfless, resilient, virtuous person who can’t but help to positively affect people who are inspired by your genuine concern?

Who will be at your side when you die, your past or your future? Who will you give your life too? Who and what will you live for?




I stood casually

coolly consoling the frothy waves

of confusion

swigging around in my brain

elbows on the counter

talking half in jest

half in desperation

to the lady in white

who was less than thrilled

to have an unexpected guest clock in after “normal” hours.


I looked to my left

down the long dark hallway

lit at the very end

by one centered ceiling light

shinning down

on a thrift store

faux wooden chair

against the wall

barred window behind it

that chair


staring back at me

daring me

to sit and join in the chaos its collected over the decades


even in the simplicity of its madness

it was beautiful

a single piece of calm art

like still waters disguising  below the

unknown busyness of its hidden occupants

and knowing what was

behind the closed doorways

that lined down that hallway


and the only thing  i knew

was that it would be minutes

before I too

became a guest

another soul

invisible under the florescent lights

How Parents Pimp out their child

As I was walking past a playground I heard kids humming a tune. As I tried to identify the tune I looked over to see two girls about age 7 swinging in unison on a swingset. I walked past them amused by their loud voices humming the tune in confident determination. Then I remembered from which song came that tune. Nope it wasn’t the one from a 50s song I had been previously speculating but it was the hook from Eminems “Monster.”  In that moment of realization came a vision, the severance of the  last bit of american integrity. The finality of a once beautiful silk spun dream now unrecognizable   and unimaginably shredded into an embarrassing existence standing shamefully proud without remorse upon the blood  sweat  and tears of the original weavers . This race of creature which had at one time guarded itself and family so vivaciously against any harm or evil no mater the size has  fallen to a depth of  perversion not even common garbage would dare spill itself upon.

Gosh sake at one time in history the mere sight of a black cloud was enough for a whole village to seek safety within the church singing out their repentance and praise in hope and determination that no harm would come even to their homes.

Labels are carelessly thrown out and written over names awarded to  individuals not worthy of the definition. Artist does not mean sell out. It does not mean conformist. It is not something or someone that harms. It does not seek to destroy. It is mindful and aware. It values the heart and spirit of life. It values, respects and humbles itself in a quiet brilliance that effortlessly seeks out human vessels filling all with a light that lifts burdens.
People have become so greedy that selling their product to one type of demographic is not enough. For most people over 40, from now and since forever was there ever between you and your parents and even grandparents a shared  taste in anything they did let alone in music they listend too?  Kids had kid songs and grownups had grownup music.  There was as there should be, a distinct line of adult and child, one does not cross over to the others world to hang. And today there are way too many role reversals. There are way too many adults not deserving of that word. Now we have companies believing in their own cleverness and banking on proven consumer  laziness and ignorance (80% of new york high school graduates are illiterate but that’s off topic) finding ways to get their product into the hands of all ages -no literacy required.

The USA used to be a nation of stable hard working and desperately well versed citizens courageous in morality , reliability and honesty. It was a crime to sell shabby products. People would drive out businesses that were formed for profit off the harm to its own citizens. Today? We are a society numb to its own families well being.

How many 911 call have been made out of sheer terror because a monster was found in that persons house? How many people regularly hear other adults humming little diddies and jingles? Exactly. The monster example defiantly isn’t something you’d expect to find in any adult language-unless you’ve just escaped from the forbidden forest and lived to tell. But even Disney have made them into cute emotional things, diminishing the scariness that once inhabited children during tales of old.

Parents, in their twistedly 21 century mindset think it cool to rock out with their own kids while driving down the highways or free dancing in their living rooms creating memories and bonding, something that maybe never happened in their own childhood. If adults and kids were meant to share experiences as equals we’d all be birthed as full adults. It’s not cool to fill your child’s vocabulary and fragile and impressionable gullible imaginative mind with anything sexual or violent. If you walked into your childs bedroom and sitting on the bed was a stranger and they were talking about “stripping off all their clothes getting naked and ready, f**ing them in the hot tub while raising a glass drinking it down getting ready for that time at night after the lights go out the tongue comes out throw them on the bed sweating on  the sheets  till the break of dawn”……would you smile and thank that stranger for their wonderful babysitting service? Would you call all of your friends with kids to rave about and recommend that stranger?

Congratulations you’ve just pimped out your kid well before they’ve even  contemplated what a kiss is and  you only paid $14.99. or .99 cents. And it’s done day after day hour after hour. Child trafficing is all around us. Pimps and prostatuition happens most inside the family home than on the street in america. Your neighbor, the kindergarten teacher your Dr. or yourself, all could be pimping out kids. And the joke is the blindness to the destruction that we fill our lives with everyday and with the complete confidence that “it’s not that big of a deal.”

So while the little kiddies in the backseat sing along to your music with lyrics like-“in my %$apparel underwear, got my ass squeezed,boy I’m drinking”  ..wayyy too many examples to give-remember whatever you let into your childs life shapes and effects them. The greatest power on earth is that given to a parent-they WILL make or break another human beings life. I failed I’ve failed so terribly because I was rolling in the waves of the human world as my kids grew.  My kids are smart and healthy but I failed to surround their upbringing with nothing but sunshine, and that is another story. As adults our interpretation and understandings of things is out of proportional comprehension to a childs. What we think of as no big deal, can and does determine if children grow up to live honorably seeking wisdom and full of courage OR  thinking God is irrelevant and that cheating, drinking and lying, lazy and spiritless without moral boundary having  the trendy perception of valuing everything-which in fact renders everything valueless which leads to a purposed filled life lived in and of CRAP!

Think back when you were little when you heard or saw something “out of ordinary child reality” and your interpretation of it whether  icky, scary, weird or good; affected you.

You’ve got two choices—Pay companies and so called artists to rape your child’s mind or step up and get the garbage out of yours and their life! Become a human and raise a human to be everything songs DON’T tell you to be-MAGNIFICENT!

God Bless-never Give up and never back down from the tide of man


Best Holiday wishes! But Incase you brase for the ugly

I am wanting for everyone a wonderful day of celebration and thanks. I hope you are surrounded by loved ones and reunited for a time with those whose absence, caused by miles of road or miles of hardships, have been missed and needed.

Maybe your home is filled with delicious smells permeating off of eclectic platters filled with traditional or modern delights which have been strategically placed throughout the home  waiting to be ogled over by company who will fondly reminisce with vocal memories . But don’t be a kitchen hog-ger. If you know So and So would have wanted to cook for her/his own family too, let them join in! Invite them to bring a dish or help you. Share. This is a once a year thing.Oh (and don’t get all mad if you’re the only one doing the dishes. Leave them, they can wait, you’re wanted elsewhere.) And (don’t offer to do the dishes, most likely the person doing them is someone who needs to feel in control and they won’t see you as helpful, although they’ll thank you profusely , “ohh your soo sweet”… no, they are just happy to have someone new “under” them who is eager to do their bidding and whom they get to tell what to do and how they like it done and where it goes (that’s how they see the situation!) You might gloat to your spouse how you’ve been bonding-your not..I should say, they’re not (but they love that you think that!)

May the conversations you have and hear be fruitful and stimulating and far from the monotonous bland routine some people call necessary “polite” protocol.  May your “hellos'” be sincere and not robotic and rehearsed. That, HEL…LL oO stated word that ranges from a medium to a way too loud sound of expression i.e, an over- reacted welcome, is a dead giveaway to a character who  needs to impress upon others making them believe that they are “good and sincere” people,  but who are actually  total phonies and maybe even a jerk to someone behind closed doors. Beware and guard your privacy-because whatever you say will be misinterpreted and that is the version that will be gossiped.. But the excitable could just be one of those naturally, bubbly, eccentric, fun, high energy, high excitement-people (think an Empath). Then your word is safe and sound around them.

Slow down and listen and learn from stories told from the past, the present and what is wished for in the future. Maybe you can help their dreams move quicker. I hope your words are inviting, a sanctuary for the worried and elated to confide in and share with in this Holiday season. Who knows what happens after the festivities are over? After all for many, home is a dark long ride back.

I hope this day is an event to be cherished and not seen as a chore. I hope you grow more close. I hope problems and misunderstandings are able to be resolved and forgotten. I hope today is so much more than something  mandated by the system.

I hope you have a great experience today! Look forward to days that might be a little uncomfortable and that might feel more like a headache than a treasure – see them as an adventure and an opportunity. Your words, your time and patience, your presence can make a huge difference in a persons life. God Bless and

Happy Thanksgiving



Family Ties


realizing everything ever felt or thought to be known
was all a waking idea of something
never known
no touch was ever true
no apology ever honest
absolute dysfunction drove a promise

every concern in the heart and every sorrow
wasted in mourning on a million tomorrows

no love to be lost, no memories to miss
no sincerity’s wrapped within a kiss

now wondering what type of present I am too feel
because none of it, nothing was ever even real
what home, where have I?
a paradise away from lifetime of lies

Happy Friday



Happy Friday to every one! Wishing you all a beautiful day!  Thank the LORD that you are ALIVE to witness this beautiful DAY!   Laugh at the little silly things, Smile at a Stranger, Hug a Friend for no reason, Tell your children how MARVELOUS they are, leave a special NOTE in your SPOUSES wallet/purse, let your childs teacher’s know how much you APPRECIATE their hard work that is shaping your kids FUTURE, and remember to shake it -shake it- shake it- do a little jig and hold your hands up in the air and wave um because you totally care…..any chance you get today!

GIVE THANKS and….LOVE, LAUGH and High Five





I was just about to write about mothers day and then…

He screams at me again. A grown old man throwing a tantrum like a 4 year old who received the “wrong” colored bike for a birthday gift. My heart doesn’t jump into a state of pre-heart attack mode anymore but none the less I still had to brace myself as I heard his hurried, heavy footsteps stomp down to where I was sitting. And my hands still shake awhile after the encounter but I think that would be normal for anyone gearing up for an unwelcome attack. I don’t know how to respond anymore to the insanity that drives him to focus just solely on me in a place where four others reside. It seems that I didn’t wipe the counter off well enough after I, well, wiped it. And he states “I’m getting heavy lately with slacking on keeping up with my messes, lets pick up after ourselves.” (I love that “ourselves”).

Doesn’t mater that I’m never around to make messes and it doesn’t mater that while the anger swells up within him he’s walking across dirty crumb filled floors, pass various items piled with thick dust and down a hallway filled sporadically of dropped items such as shoes and other unidentifiable objects non of which are mine. Yet a drop of water left unattended is enough to infuriate a grown man causing him to belittle and bully a women, a grown adult, mother of two. The sis and mom are eyeing eachother like “uhh-humm” I can feel it.

I’ve finally got to the point where I can almost laugh at him. Not to his face of course because I’d get pounded. But I don’t see him or them anymore as having anything to do with me. What they think doesn’t mater, what they feel, I no longer try to rationalize as a behavior they exhibit because of their own childhood pain. That no longer applies. They’ve had decades to learn and change and mature and love. I no longer dwell for days on end wondering why they hate me. I simply don’t care. I will never apologize and lower myself, scraping the floor with my heart trying to settle THEIR storm. It’s been quite a process facing what I’ve always known to be true but just couldn’t believe I was actually living it-My family are bonafide true blue psychopaths. Very hard core too, any psychoanalysis or what not would die just to hear my story then interview them. Unfortunately I inherited the worse kind, the kind who sabotage and not only wish for it but actually do harm.

They’ve tormented me my whole life and I took it because I thought that it was normal. Thank God for the internet and for cable. Now I know why I never had TV growing up. My family isolates themselves into a bubble where they are all that exists and that is what I was taught. I can’t believe how much time has been lost while I swimming in a world of misinformation. But a few months ago something happened to me that was quite wild.

It was after another violent encounter him. I was giving my mother tips on how to prepare the turkey a different
way. You know like how people who are cooking something in an open kitchen and the women go in to talk about what they saw on the Food Network about turkey and side dishes. Women do that don’t they? Especially in a family where there are a bunch of women and you all see eachother everyday. Well since she’s always wondering how to make this and that and I have the herb information why wouldn’t I share that? I guess I was wrong and I was told that. I was told that is not what people do and I am way out of line and disrespectful. He said all this, well slobberly shouted it as he tore across the room flying over an occupied couch, lips peeled back over his teeth, arms stretched long fingers reaching towards my neck. Bulls eye. We danced for awhile made it to the door and kissed the cement sidewalk out front. The sis and mom are not saying a word but I happen to see them glaring at me as I shot a “don’t you think this is insane? um will you say something?” Nope not now not never but they’re sure tell me I’m the one that’s crazy.

They went back to cooking. I sat on the front lawn just totally in amazement how this crap is even possible in any realm of fact or fiction. And then instead of crying and freaking out everything stopped. My mind slowed, the scenery around me slowed down. I felt disconnected from myself. And then all of these memories came like a flood passing before my eyes. Every event, incidence, problem, question that I ever wanted to know the answer for why it happened, what did I do wrong, why me, why why why..? was answered. And I saw so clearly the path that led to the beginning of every bad twist and turn, every pain and despair, every hell I went through, was caused by my family. The things I did, the types of people I had around me, the valueless concept thinking of myself, had all been caused by the direct result of their pushing, conditioning and isolation. And I was free.

How much time do people waste wondering what it is that they did wrong that causes them to get into another painful situation or what can they do to change to make things better within their situation. It was never me that I needed to change. It was the environment. I was never going to experience happiness by surrounding myself in environments filled with the types of people my family showed me I deserved. Those were the only types of people I had been exposed to. There’ve never been adults in my life, there’s never been anyone to learn from. And when ever I was proven smart by outside forces they did everything to drag me back down to there level. No one can be better. Now everything makes sense to me.
I feel like I’ve climbed another level of humanizim. I’m growing towards something so awesome, towards God and truth. It’s freedom to rise above the fog and see clearly far above this world so clogged with such twisted thinking and acting that to give into it, will suck out your soul and you’ll find yourself dead inside acting like zombie sheep.

I’ve been bullied my whole life by many different kinds of people. But now, thanks to the extreme, incisive, unyielding bullying laid on from my family I understand it and I know myself. And when you know those two things you can almost laugh at how weak someone has to be in order act like one. And you will see that people have all kinds of reasons, jelousy and envy because they want so badly to be like you, only it comes natural to you and they have no idea how to get it. It could be out of the need to be popular with that girlfriend or boyfriend who hates you. And then you see how pathetic not just that person is but the people who cheer on or indulge the bully laughing in agreement. Or it could be that they sincerely are just evil and that is soo sad because in order for them to get “high” about themselves and feel like they mater, they have to bully the one who is most sensitive.

But they don’t mater anymore. I see who and what they are and I know that I will never have to put myself into worlds that consist of yucky people. And for the psychopathic ones I have to be around for the moment, I no longer am a slave to their words, which I will make into a novel and then I will be totally free.

I’ll write about mothers day tomorrow maybe.

A Plea to Mothers

UntitledI have a plea for all you mothers and mothers to be out there. Explain sex to your kids. You don't have to be graphic or even explain the process of intercourse. But with all of my heart I ask you to explain to them about how special they are and how their body is not a playground. Explain what respect means in its purest definition, explain that there is nothing more sacred and more valuable than that what they possess on the inside, how their soul is more special more important and more valuable than anything on this planet. Explain to them that they are their own best friend, that they have to live with decisions and the feelings they bring, and how you wish for them only the feelings that make a person feel wonderful and happy- Explain what they value and respect should never be compromised for anyone else' gratification. For what could be found in just minutes of pleasure can never be given back and made whole because what changes the body also leaves a lasting impression on the mind and heart and when you look back on the day you chose to share that special intimacy with, you want it to be with the most amazing person in the world that is right for you (namely the husband or wife you choose.)
There is nothing more worse in this world than finding out about something and being devastated about the path that was chosen simply because no one explained anything to you. Parents are great at ignoring conversations and routine support chats just because no one explained anything to them or because they figure their kid will figure stuff out for themselves. I tell you this is a cowards excuse and to get over the gap that is separating you from knowing your kids. You had them, what could possibly be more alien than a parent that ignores the needs of their child, what could be more harmful to a child than a parents own selfishness. I tell you you teach nothing and I guarantee your kids will grow up zig zaging off of the right path and will definitely become involved in situations that will leave lasting scars. You had a child now raise them to be soldiers of Spirit and guardians of their soul. Raise them up to be prepared-if you yourself have no clue how to do this and your just doing the whole marriage kid thing because that's the routine then do something amazing for your child and introduce people into their life who are knowledgeable about Life and God. God is your first line of defense it's up to you to guide them to Him.
Read the Bible and get into a cool church do this for your child-It is the most amazing and just freeing comforting guide, everything you need to know about every situation to deal with life is in it. I promise you, you will never feel anything but amazing and fulfilled when your eyes are open and you understand-there is no better gift you can give your child than that of the lessons and guidance of the Bible and the relationship with Jesus Christ.